Thursday, April 29, 2010

Daddy ( Things I Meant to Say)

Things I Meant to Say 


Caught between dirty laundry and work schedules,
a tightness grabs my throat 
When the day lasts too long or the night too black
silent fear creeps in dreams
Three weeks turns to six months and then 30 years.
A stranger with a one-sided smile walks by 
a flash of dread -goosebumps
Photos of happy picnics or easy tubing down a river,
Did we actually  laugh?
Tastes of speckled perch, frog legs  and hush puppies 
Did it really taste so good?
Gulf Coast sunsets and my small hand reaches for your calluses
Did I reach or was it just to comfort your guilt.
A dewy dawn in a boat on a still fishcamp morning 
Daybreak, you and I alone on a lake without a shore .
Hot sticky air and sentenced worms in a box.  
The picnics, gone and no fishing mornings come searching to
change diapers or hang out the clothes.

I am content. 

Once I was a 12 year old girl,balancing hope and terror
No welcome mat.
Now I am an adult caught in the rituals of days
I avoid drifting in unfettered boats or PB&J on blankets
but my childhood festers, questioning
Were you ever even there ?






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